E-Indeed: The Blog

I don’t know when it happened. But I must be getting old. For those of you who are my regular readers, here’s a new tidbit–I play World of Warcraft. Yes, the online Roleplaying Game that is sucking up the lives of over 12 Million worldwide. And I’m perfectly happy with that. It occupies my free time so that I don’t have to dwell on the things I would otherwise have to dwell on. Earlier this week, however, I noticed something.

I had started a Horde character several months ago, and stopped playing it as was normal for me (I’ve always preferred Alliance). Well, since my move, I haven’t had my friends in place to keep me tied to that side, so I moved this character over to a server where one of my friends from my old job is still playing. In that time, I’ve actually started to prefer the horde side. I even got into a guild, which is random, but cool at the same time. However, I noticed something interesting. I’m old. Everyone in my guild seems like they’re in their mid-teens. Which is awkward. Not that I’m worried about it, seeing as I have no interest in meeting people I’ve only ever seen in a game, but it’s still weird, hearing them talk amongst themselves about their relationship issues, school, and the like. I feel almost like a wise old sage, just sitting there knowing “ah, all this will pass, just have patience.”

Even more interesting to me is the makeup of my real-life surroundings. I’ve got my adorable 3-year-old twin cousins, then my family. At Church, I’m the old guy once again. Of course, my Bishopric is older than me, but I’ve noticed that as I age the rest of the Ward stays static. There’s a good reason for that, people get married, and new people move in to replace them. But it’s interesting–I’ve even become the go-to guy for the Missionaries in my ward. Not that I’m complaining, since I love missionary work, and try to work with them as much as I can. But it does get awkward when I’m the default Chaparone if they are visiting a Sister for dinner.

It’s interesting, since I got my teaching job, I’ve adjusted a lot of my opinions.  I’ve even mellowed a bit, I guess.  But I do notice that the girls in my ward all seem to be 19 or 20, and they all seem so young.  Especially when I consider that I would be their teacher if they went to college at my school. Something is just disturbing to me about that.  I don’t know if it’s society, or what, but I take issue to dating someone who could just as easily be my student. Thankfully, it’s not yet to the point of “I’m old enough to be their father,” but it feels similar.

I can’t say how, but being a teacher changes you. Especially if your students are your age or older. You are imparting your knowledge to others, which is an awesome feeling. But at the same time, you look at your life and question yourself. I know that a lot of these students are the same age as me, but I somehow feel older. And I find myself wondering whether I should just settle down and move on with the next chapter of my life (if that’s even possible for me anymore, as damaged as I am emotionally), or keep trying to hold on to my youth.  And even if I were to decide to pursue the former, I don’t think I’d even know where to begin anymore.