E-Indeed: The Blog

Well, it’s sad really, how I’ve kind of skipped out on posting over the last few months. So firstly, I’ll apologize to my readers–I’ve wanted to post, but nothing’s come to mind. Fear not, though, because this one’s bound to be a doozie! Or, perhaps more accurately, “Be afraid. Be very afraid.”

Seriously though, I’ve had a lot on my mind (and my schedule) over the past weeks that has interfered with my posting regularly. I took on teaching an extra class mid-quarter, so getting that up to speed has taken a lot of my time up, as has my exercise regimen. No complaints there, mind you–I’ve lost 34 pounds so far. I really don’t feel much different yet, but my belt is decidedly looser :). I’ve also been spending a lot more time at the Temple–and that’s going to continue (as it should).

In other news, I was called in December as the Sunday School President for both my ward and the other Singles Ward which shares our building. In a way, it’s appropriate, since I’m a teacher in my regular life now, but at the same time, it’s a very daunting responsibility to be responsible for providing an environment where the Spirit can teach all of the Lord’s Children in our two Wards. I’m having to depend on Him much more than I ever have before, which is most definitely a blessing in my life.

Moving along though, the past few weeks have been very interesting. I’ll start this off, lest I sound too critical, by letting you know just how awesome my Bishopric is. I know that most of you are probably very familiar with knowing that as well. I’ve had a total of five Bishops since I joined the Church, and every one of them has been amazing. I have a very strong Testimony of the Lord’s hand in calling these men, and directing their actions. This has been made even stronger by my current calling, because I get to sit in Council with them every week.

So, I don’t want to come across like I’m overly annoyed about their recent actions. I realize that these have been taken because they want the best for me. I’m just not sure how I want to proceed from here. Anyway, enough foreshadowing–on to the topic at hand:

This all started several weeks ago (and I will be changing names to protect the innocent *grin*). One of the counselors in my Bishopric, who I’ll call Brother Smith, pulled me aside out of the blue after a council meeting, pointed out one of the Sisters leaving the room, and told me how amazing she was and that I needed to date her. I just took it as his usual enthusiasm (he’s always telling all the guys that they should be dating the Sister of the day–whichever sister we happen to be talking about at the moment), and brushed it off by saying that I was really too busy to date anyone right now.

This is not at all inaccurate, either–here’s my current schedule (and it gets worse next week, when my new quarter starts). I get up around 9 or 10 in the morning (depending on how late I was up the previous night), and get to work planning the day’s class. At 2, I head to the gym for my workout–I have to get my cardio done before I meet my trainer at 3:30. After my trainer, I need about a half hour using the Steam Room and Hot Tub to help my muscles recover. That takes me to 5:00 PM. I then grab a Subway Sandwich on my way to school to teach, at 6:00. Class gets out at 10:30, so I get home around 11:00 at night. Then I have to wind down for an hour or two, and get up and repeat the next day. I teach on Monday night, Thursday all day, Friday night, and Saturday morning. That leaves me Tuesday and Wednesday to run errands and manage my existing web clients’ projects. I meet my trainer on Wednesday and Friday, and I do cardio every weekday. Tuesday is my Temple day–I go to the 5:00PM session. Saturday, once I’m done with class, I usually sleep in the afternoon (because of the schedule, I have to do most of the class planning friday night after class, which leaves me going to class Saturday on about three hours of sleep). Then, I spend Saturday night with my family, because I am in meetings almost all day on Sunday with my responsibilities. Next week, I go to teaching every weeknight but Thursday (which I’m going to utilize by becoming an assistant scoutmaster in my 12-year-old cousin’s troop–it’s not a Church troop, but I want to be a part of his life, and I do love Scouting), and Saturday morning (yes, another sub-3 hour Saturday morning wakeup :() for the next three months. Oh yes, and into all that, I have to fit my responsibilities as Sunday School President.

As I said, I’m extremely busy, and I told him so. He didn’t buy it. I told him my schedule, and he said “You have Saturday night open, use it!” To which I explained that I moved up here so that I’d be able to spend more time with my family, and that Saturday night was my only chance to do so. His response–”Well, use Saturday night to establish your own family!” I laughed it off, and went on my way, thinking I was done with this.

No so! Ten minutes later, he grabbed me and told me he’d just made a deal with the Executive Secretary which involved me. When I went to the Executive Secretary, I was informed that both of us were going to a Kings Game with Brother “Smith” and that I had to find a date for said evening. Luckily, said evening fell during finals week for this quarter, so I was able to get out of this. I know how difficult Kings tickets are to come by, but a) I don’t like watching or playing Basketball (I know, I’m strange) and b) I don’t like being pressured to do anything.

When I got to Elder’s Quorum, Brother “Smith” came back with a photocopied and highlighted copy of Elder Oakes’ talk about dating versus hanging out, and Elder Tingey’s recent talk about The Lord’s Pattern. By this point, I was rather chagrined. In addition, the Second Counselor walked in just in time to hear my protests, and then he got involved. His counsel was slightly less jovial–the gist was that if I was not moving my schedule around to accommodate dating, I was just as guilty of breaking a commandment of the Lord as if I were intentionally sinning.

Now don’t get me wrong–I am fully aware that a sin of omission is just as serious as a sin of commission. What I don’t understand is this sudden urgency on their part. Sure, I’m almost 28. Yes, I have no immediate prospects of getting married or making any moves in that direction. Yes, I intentionally keep myself very busy. However, I look at it from another direction–The Lord wants me to trust in him. These brethren hold (as do many) that this means I need to get past my own fear and take action. I understand that view. The problem is this: every time I take matters into my own hands, I fall flat on my face (more on that in the next post). I think the Lord has made it abundantly clear to me that this is something I should wait for His guidance on.

For you regular readers, I’m not against dating at this stage–I’ve had several dates so far this year (again, more next post). I just feel that it’s obvious that I don’t make the best of choices in who I date, so I feel like it’s time to wait for the Lord to bring someone into my life that will pursue me for a change. Again, before you start judging, wait for the next post on that topic.

Brother “Smith” apologized to me a few days later for teasing me about dating, and I apologized too–I get uptight about those things, and I do realize it. I apologized to the other Brother as well, although he proceeded to lecture me more about the matter. Most of that will take up the next post, but the one of the things that struck me is very applicable to this post. I told him about my previous relationships, and about breaking off my near-engagement for the girl on her mission, and how that was a repeated theme in my love life, and how I don’t trust my own judgment anymore because of it. His response was: “So, you’re telling me that you let Satan win. You let him prevent a new celestial family from being formed. And now, you’re continuing to let him him win every day that you put off dating. This has to stop.” This one floored me. I don’t like it, but there’s no way I can argue that one. However, I’m not sure how to apply it now. Do I wait for someone to come into my life, or do I worsen my anxiety by going out with random people that I don’t even feel any initial attraction to?

I say this, because I’m at that point–there’s no one I know at the moment that I’m particularly interested in, at least not who is also interested in me. Granted, it’s a small Ward. Granted also, I don’t go to regional stuff–mostly because a) There’s no call for my services yet, and b) I work most of the time that these activities are scheduled. Anyway, though, I bristle at the idea of dating someone I know nothing about (I know, “How else are you going to get to know them?”). I get to know people at Church, and then ask out the ones that interest me. I can’t comprehend how that is so wrong, but apparently that’s my mistake. So what’s a guy supposed to do?